Help Me Help My Wife…..?
Ok. I am upset because my wife is really upset and I do not know what to do. I feel completely helpless. My wife and I thought she was pregnant up until last night (thought that could be the cause of her noticing minor weight gain, i.e. fuller face, jeans tighter, etc). She got her period last night about a 5-6 days late. We are bummed about it. She had a doctor’s appointment this morning to get blood work done (because all the home pregnancy test she took were negative). Well when she weighed herself at the doctor’s office, she had gained 6 pounds since the middle of December and a total of 20 pounds since August 14th. The doc said that she needs to have a 1000 calorie diet and walk briskly 30 min a day/5 days a week. Her thyroids have been checked and are ok. We have been eating healthier since the beginning of the year, and have been watching the portion size of what we eat as well. Yet she still is gaining weight. I don’t know what to do. She is really upset. I feel so bad because no matter what I say or do, it is not going to help anything. I am trying to reduce as much stress as possible on her by doing a majority of stuff around the house, but school work is taking its toll and our 2 yr old is being a pain at daycare and so she is stressed about that. I just don’t know what more I can do. I tell her daily how much she means to me and how beautiful I think she is and how sexy I think she is, but I think it is falling on deaf ears. The doc also said that the weight and stress is probably the cause of us not getting pregnant, which is detrimental in itself. We have been trying since Aug to have a baby and still cannot and we want one sooner rather than later so our kids are close in age. I just don’t know what to do. I think there could be something wrong with her pituitary gland or something. Any one have any suggestions on how I can help my wife and make her feel better. All of this is just making her feel worse and not wanting to even try to have a baby. It is just so discouraging. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.
None of this sounds like real difficulty. Has someone died? Did you lose your job? This all sounds like normal life, and a major overreaction to it. It’s really nice that you’re so sensitive to your wife’s needs, but she’s really self-indulgent. I always wonder about people like this, what’ll happen when real difficulties come along? I’m sure I’ll get thumbs down, but come on.
dude how long you can live like that?
take back your freedom divorce today because is what she’s pushing for…
All this stress could be why she is having trouble getting pregnant. Obviously neither you nor she has any biological issues since you already have one child. Break your routine. Take a weekend together. You both need a break.
all you can do is be supportive and help her as much as you can without making her feel bad. it takes some couples year t oconceive. A good diet and excersise plan will help with conception.
The only thing she can do is keep working out and eating healthier. (BTW 1000 calories is waaaayyyy too low of an intake even for someone trying to loose weight). Just eat better and do more then walking. Weight lifting will help her shed pounds faster and so will some real time on an elliptical machine, treadmill, or bike. Weight loss is a lot harder then gaining weight and it will come in time if she continues to stick to her exercise and healthy eating habits.
It’s stress. She’s gaining the weight because she is stressed about having another baby and your 2 year old. If she works, she needs a vacation. 20 pounds is a LOT of weight to gain. Don’t bring up her weight no matter what. Just be extra nice to her, cook a healthy dinner for her, take her and the baby on a nice walk after dinner. Do more active things as a family on the weekends. Remember, that you two are already so blessed to have a 2 year old. Most couples don’t even get that. Look at what is around you and appreciate what you have.
You can’t force nature to run it’s course on your time. It sounds like you are doing the best you can…have you considered a date night? Maybe a night out, a glass of wine and little love would relieve some of the stress and help out in other “areas”…
Oh, and the weight gain – I never gained weight trying to get pregnant – that excuse sounds pretty whacked to me…have you considered changing doctors and getting a second opinion?
You sound like a really great husband, worrying so much about your wife. She is very lucky. My husband and I tried to have a baby for five years. We finally stopped seeing the doctor and I got pregnant. I do believe stress has a lot to do with not getting pregnant. I remember the pain and disappointment I felt every time I took a pregnancy test and the results were negative. I would lock myself in my room for a few days to get over the pain. She should take care of her health before anything else. Don’t worry if the kids aren’t close in age – it all works out. The weight gain in December is really common for everyone – between Thanksgiving and Christmas all that eating adds up. Take the pressure off of yourselves by not setting a time line on when you want to have a baby. It will probably happen when you least expect it. Good Luck!
If her “glands” were so screwed up that she was gaining weigth at 1,000 calories a day, she wouldn’t be able to get out of bed in the morning. A “slow” metabolism is only a “little” slower than a fast one.
Women who are depressed eat more. And they hide what they are eating from their partners.
There is only one way to be 100% sure about this:
Be together 100% of the time for one week. During that week do a lot of daily walking/hiking. If you go away, agree that you won’t “bring” any food with you. And then you pack all the bags. Or you pack them with her. And take a peak in her purse when you first get where you are going. Stay together every minute of the week, if she goes in any store that sells food you go with her. I guarantee you she will lose weight that week and maybe you can press her to come clean with you about what she is eating at home.
You could see an endocrinologist, but the most likely – sorry no offence – by far the most likely cause of the weight gain is that she is eating “snacks” that you don’t see and she isn’t telling you about.
You should do the “walking” thing together. We do, it is great for our marriage. Put the baby in the stoller or one of those jogger products it is great for the baby to be out as well.
If the doctor is fully aware of the situation, then leave the medical part in his hands. Don’t self diagnose because, chances are you’ll be wrong. He/she is a doctor for a reason–and they have to be somewhat good or else you wouldn’t be going to them in the first place.
YOU should worry about talking to your wife about her stress. Absolutely stress hinders conception. There is a reason for this. Think about it from an evolutionary standpoint. A woman has stress, therefore she has too much to deal with/tend to to be able to care for a new child. It makes sense. Check out these websites: http://www.apa.org/monitor/sep06/stress.… http://www.preconception.com/articles/ad…
Good luck with having another baby. Just do everything you can to help your wife relax–I know you said that you are already, but think of a way to get HER to relax herself. Unless it comes from within, she’s not going to reach any form of relaxation. Maybe have her talk to a psychiatrist or even seek medication to help with the stress. I hope it all works out for you. You both just need to relax. Let it happen as it will.
My friends wife did the same thing. There was nothing he could do for about 3 years. Eventually she stopped paying attention to their first son, went on eating benges everytime her husand was not around. They stopped being intement for up to 6 months at a time. My friend was a mess. She was so unhappy. But he catered to her every wim, Cleaning the house, taking care of their child, doing the bills and he thought that would help. She later confided in me and told me that at first it was really nice but eventually she started to feel sufecated. What she wanted from him was for him to step back, stop doing all the chores, tell her to get out of bed. By doing all this she said it made her feel like he didn’t think she could do anything herself, and eventaly she began to feel she couldn’t either. She wanted him to take her places on the weekend even if she insisted she did not want to go. She wanted to go on roadtrips, stop thinking about her problems ETC ETC. Now she is living with a friend, is 180 LBS heavier and depressed out of her mind. They are not speaking of her desision, and he’s the one who really tried so hard! Well the point is, don’t baby her. She needs to get over it. If you guys can’t have a child, you will have to find compleat happiness in the one you already have.
Tell her she needs to find something she likes to do, then take her out of town for 3 days. Go to the gym, if she says I am so fat!! don’t be like oh baby i love the way you are please! you are so beautiful.!!! Say If you feel you are what can we do about it? Do you want me to get you a gym membership? is there a
friend you want to go with or do you want me to go?
Trust me her weight gain is because she stuffs her face the second you turn around.
Be strong. Thats what she really needs.